


Engrams and Regrets

by TakemurasDroppedBurger



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Crying, Depression, Engram Takemura, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Last Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Requited Love, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:47:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29276424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakemurasDroppedBurger/pseuds/TakemurasDroppedBurger
Summary: “Please… Hanako-sama… please,” he whispered, voice wavering as he spoke. “Please use the secure your soul program on Takemura,” he begged, looking up to her, tears sliding down his face once more. She looked down at him, their eyes locking. He had thought about the program during the night as he tossed and turned, staring up at the blank ceiling between other crying fits.
Relationships: Goro Takemura/Sandayu Oda
Comments: 19
Kudos: 28





	1. Night City

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I want Oda to be happy :)  
> Also me: But... what if he wasn't?
> 
> This fic is not going to end well, this is your warning
> 
> We got some amazing [fanart!](https://twitter.com/Macophyllayu/status/1359250729978978307?s=20)

“Oda,” Hanako muttered as he walked into the large room, she turned around, taking her attention from the large cityscape of Night City that stretched out before her. The floor to ceiling windows made it easy to watch the city slowly transition to morning, the sun rising in the distance as street lights and building lights gradually turned off. “You should be resting.” She could tell that he was favoring one leg over the other, having a slight limp as he walked in. Oda had certainly seen better days. “And you should not have left the medical center,” she added quickly. 

Oda had always been stubborn, no matter the context. Constantly demanding more fights against Takemura after several hours of losing. No matter how many times he was thrown to the floor below, Takemura claiming victory time and time again, Oda always muttered a soft  _ again.  _

But perhaps it wasn’t stubborn as much as it was raw determination.

His hands shook as he clenched them into fists as he was practically chided. He was perfectly fine to keep going. And Hanako had enough on her plate than to be worried about him. After all, her father recently was killed. He could protect her all he wanted, but he can’t possibly protect her against things like a death in the family. 

“I am fine,” he insisted. “I was treated, and can continue working,” Oda assured her, walking across the room. She seemed tired. Hanako was good at hiding her true emotions most of the time, but if she was starting to show how tired she truly was, Oda knew she must be exhausted. 

“Were you hurt?” She asked, Oda shaking his head. The question should have been the other way around, she should not be worried about him.

“Nothing that cannot be healed,” he lied, his pride shattered that he was bested by a lowly mercenary. She gave him another look over, Oda feeling a shiver race down his spine as he felt her look  _ through  _ him. “More importantly, did they hurt you?” He asked, joining her by the massive window, looking out at the sunrise. Light eyes watched an energy drink advertisement stretch across a massive building down the block.

“No, I am unharmed,” she assured him. “Neither of them intended to hurt me, I was in good hands,” Hanako continued, Oda’s blood practically boiling. Although it was not ideal, it was still a far better situation than what could have happened. 

“Takemura is a traitor,” he muttered, light eyes reflecting the orange of the light that was slowly filling the room, their shadows stretched across the hardwood flooring. He hated the way the words fell from his tongue, turning his mouth sour. 

“Takemura had good intentions,” she said. “And so did the mercenary,” Oda ground his teeth so hard his jaw hurt, feeling his pulse starting to spike before willing it to go down by holding his breath. The last thing he needed was to lose his temper in front of Hanako, it was unbecoming of him. He would find that merc and challenge him to another fight, one that he would not lose. “When the time came, Takemura shielded me to protect me when I was rescued. They did not come silently,” she explained. “If anything, Arasaka put me in more danger than Takemura and his friend did.”

“Regardless of intentions, they still kidnapped you and put you in harm’s way,” Oda reminded her. His entire body ached, muscles were sore and bones felt like they had been snapped and then put back into place. His head was pounding and he was positive he was nursing a concussion at this point. He gazed across her, noting she had already showered, wearing a white robe instead of a form fitting dress that was custom made for her.

Hanako was silent as Oda’s knees hit the floor, forehead touching the cool hardwood. “I am sorry, Hanako-sama. They did not put you in harm’s way, it was me. I could not protect you.” In a short matter of time, both of Arasaka’s best had failed to protect the Arasaka headmasters. Oda’s was not as severe as Takemura’s, but failure was failure in his eyes. Oda watched as she turned to face him, gently crouching down and resting her hand on the back of his head. 

“Oda, please get up,” she said, Oda looking up at her. Hanako recognized the look of a defeated man, pain shown in his optics, anger plastered across his face. Although they both knew he was not angry at Takemura, nor V, but at himself for allowing this to happen. 

He told himself that perhaps if he had ran that extra mile that one time, or done twenty more sit ups that day he was tired. Perhaps this would not have happened if he had just pushed himself to be better. “Oda,” she whispered. “I know this is not the best time to tell you this but there is never a right time for news like this, Oda,” she said, looking down at him. “Takemura is dead.”

Oda prided himself in never second guessing or doubting her, that wasn’t his job, he was there to always nod and say yes, and to protect her when the time had come. There wasn't much that his job entailed other than protection, although he would do anything she ever asked of him; joining her at the table for meals, bringing her things and practically acting as her shadow as he followed her around the compound.

“Are you sure?” He asked, the words falling from his lips before he could even stop himself. A sense of dread filled him, his entire body felt heavy.

“Oda, I saw him go down. They wanted him alive, but… he fought back, and he was armed… they had no choice,” she said, her voice soft, as if the entire world would hear her speak right now. Everything that happened that night seemed to mix together like ink in water, trying to put the pieces together. 

_ Takemura is dead. _

_ He didn't even get to tell him how he felt about him. Oda kept telling himself that the time wasn't right, that he would know when to tell him. But now he had waited too long, and missed his chance altogether. _

Oda did not say anything, looking up at her. But Hanako knew he wasn’t seeing anything, his mind clocked out as he stared off into space, trying to process her words. “Oda, I’m so sorry,” she whispered. Oda tried to snap out of it, this wasn’t about him. Hanako had lost her father, she had it worse than him. “You are dismissed for the day, please rest,” she said, pushing herself back up to her feet, walking around him as he looked out the window. 

_ "Get up, move, go to bed, do something, don't just sit here,"  _ he thought to himself, trying to make his body cooperate with him. Nothing was working, his body shutting down as he sat there, staring out the window.

The sun reflected against his eyes, refracting in the tears that welled and slowly slid down his cheeks as he hung his head low and sobbed. He could not remember the last time he fully cried, the sobs that caused his chest and stomach to hurt as tears dropped onto the flooring underneath him. He tried to wipe them away, only to have new ones fall down his face before he could remove those as well. The room was silent save for his cries. His throat felt dry as more tears slipped down his cheeks and onto the floor. His sleeves were damp with tears almost instantly, the Arasaka issued long sleeve shirt soiled by tears and snot. 

After nearly twenty minutes, his body had no more tears left to cry. His chest heaved as his exhausted body was quickly giving out on him fully. His legs wobbled as he pushed himself up, forcing himself to stand. He placed a hand against the windowpane to steady himself. His breathing was ragged, wiping his face once more.

Oda had never felt more drained in his entire life, not when running laps around the compound in the rain, nor when Takemura would throw him back on his ass, telling him to get up and continue fighting- despite having lost nearly a dozen times by now. 

Slipping out of the hotel room, he made his way into his own room across the hall, allowing the door to shut behind him. He made his way to the bed, not bothering to even remove his shoes as he fell face-first onto it. The bed was horribly uncomfortable, tossing and turning every single night since they had arrived in Night City. But tonight, it felt like the softest thing he had ever sprawled out on. 

He didn’t change position, feeling the pillow beneath him start to dampen with fresh tears as he attempted to will himself to sleep. He knew he was tired, flat out exhausted and running on fumes at this rate as he let his eyes fall closed, taking a deep breath in. His chest ached, he wasn’t sure if it was his lungs acting up from the fight, or from the crying. 

_ “If I had just arranged the meeting like Takemura had asked, he would not have gone to this extent. It’s all my fault,”  _ he thought to himself as fresh tears began to slide down his face and onto the pillow. Everything was his fault. If he had just trusted Takemura to begin with and just kept an eye on V, none of this would have even happened. 

Hanako would never have been taken.

Takemura would still be alive. 

After another few minutes, he hiccupped and decided it was best to actually try to sleep. As if tomorrow would be any better. 

At half past six, Oda finally fell asleep. 

* * *

  
  


Oda’s eyes opened the second he heard someone grasp onto the handle of the door, hearing the soft beep followed by the mechanisms of the lock opening as he jumped out of bed, quickly pressing his back against the wall as the door was pushed open, listening to it quietly shut behind the intruder. 

_ “Is it whoever killed Saburo thinking I have Hanako in my room with me?”  _ He thought to himself, both rooms were put under false names for security reasons but perhaps someone was onto them. Both names were different to prevent any sort of link between the two just as an added precaution.

“Oda, it’s me,” Hanako said before rounding the corner, Oda letting out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. He unfurled the fists that his hands had automatically shifted to on reflex, ready to fight. “My apologies, I should have knocked, but I was certain you were still asleep,” she said gently. “In hindsight, I should not attempt to sneak up on my own bodyguard,” she mused.

“I could have hurt you,” he said, clearly not finding it as amusing as she seemed to. “What’s going on?” He asked, quickly changing the subject. It was unusual that she came to him during the night, well- mid-morning. She was already dressed perfectly, the red dress she wore the night before was replaced with a form fitting white and gold one instead. 

“I came to check on you,” she answered, noting that the curtains were still drawn, making the room fairly dark inside still. Oda sat down on the bed as she went over, peeking out the windows, allowing a sliver of light to shine into the room. “How did you sleep?” She asked, watching a transport in the distance. 

Hanako already knew the answer, but she wanted to hear it from Oda himself.

“I have slept better,” he admitted, slowly discovering that his entire body was still aching all over. He pushed himself back up to his feet, feeling he had been in bed long enough. His shoes were silent against the floor as he suddenly opened the curtains fully, light being thrown into the room. He wanted nothing more than to be back in Japan right now, and he was sure that Hanako wished the same. Ever since arriving in America, it seemed to be tragedy after tragedy. Oda wanted nothing more than to wake up and have this all be one long nightmare, to wake out sprawled out across his sheets in his own room to his alarm clock going off.

He was accustomed to the feeling of being on his knees as he fell to them once more, the hardwood below digging into them, noting how sensitive they were and figuring they were still bruised from yesterday. Despite wearing a fair amount of armor, he still got banged up fairly well. That merc wasn’t pulling any punches, then again, neither was Oda.

“Please… Hanako-sama… please,” he whispered, voice wavering as he spoke. “Please use the secure your soul program on Takemura,” he begged, looking up to her, tears sliding down his face once more. She looked down at him, their eyes locking. He had thought about the program during the night as he tossed and turned, staring up at the blank ceiling between other crying fits.

“It is not that easy, Oda,” she answered, Oda not taking no for an answer. 

“Please, I have never once asked for anything from Arasaka,” he countered.

“Oda, he is not already in the program. That is something I simply cannot do,” she said, more tears streaming down the bodyguard’s face as he clenched his hands into fists on the flooring. His knuckles turned white as he begged.

“If we can use the program, we can pull his databases and at least clear his name,” he sobbed, “It still looks like Takemura killed your father… and with him kidnapping you, it just pushes his name further into the accusation.”

“It will still be his word against my brother’s. And I do not believe he will speak out against an Arasaka, even in death,” she explained. She knew Takemura and how loyal he was for the corporation and towards her father- although she was not sure how loyal she would be towards Yorinobu. 

“He will if you ask him too, he already had his doubts about what happened. I know he will not refuse you,” Oda said, looking up at her. “Please… Hanako-sama…”

She had worked with Oda for a very long time, him standing over her as she was connected to machines as she did netrunning, always there to pull her out if things went south. He always carried her to her bedroom afterwards when she was weak, her body spent. He always stood behind her as she worked at her desk, or sat across from her during meals to act as a stand in for company.

And never once did Oda ever ask for anything in return. 

In hindsight, it was his job, and he was just following what he was told. Arasaka didn’t owe him anything.

It still did nothing to dull the ache in her heart as she watched Oda sob at her feet, his best friend and mentor torn from him. The room was silent save for Oda’s gentle cries, watching as he struggled to compose himself. He did not want her to see him like this, this was something that should be behind closed doors. But he couldn’t stop crying no matter how hard he tried. 

She looked out the window, eyes flickering red as she opened her contacts and opened a call. 

“Please move Takemura-san to Tokyo and begin the save your soul program on him,” she said, a short pause filling the air. “I know it is an unusual request, and he is not signed up- but I will override it,” she explained, Oda looking up to her, sniffling a few times as he wiped his face on his shirt. “I am aware, considering the nature and circumstances though… I believe we can get his consent after the process is done. I do not believe he will take any form of legal actions against us for it,” Oda wiped the tears from his face again. “Thank you, that is all.”

The room was plunged back into silence as Hanako finished her phone call. She silently reached down to wipe the tears away from his face. “Sadness is not a good look on you.”

“I-I’m sorry, Hanako-sama,” he said, new tears springing forth in his eyes as she wiped those away gently. “You should not see me like this,” he insisted. 

“It is alright, Oda. At the end of the day, no matter how many implants you have, you are still human- and you are allowed to be human and show emotion,” she cradled his face in her hands as she spoke, Oda nodding a bit. 

“Thank you… Hanako-sama, I am forever in your debt,” he said, trying to think about anything else in the world that would make him stop crying. 

“I know,” she smiled, running her hands through his hair possessively. 

* * *

“So, it’s not ready?” Oda asked, Hanako letting out a sigh. The tolls of stress were slowly bearing down on her, and Oda could tell it was slowly breaking her down. Exhaustion shone in her eyes, and Oda longed to ease the pain from her. He had never seen her look like this, solemn and tired. 

“It was heavily encrypted due to the high security measures his biometrics, softwares, and databases are locked behind,” she explained. "It will take a while for it to be complete. We have my father’s engram, that will be more than enough for what we need." Saburo Arasaka's engram was a saving grace right now.

“Yes, Hanako-sama,” he said, readjusting his grip on his smart gun. He would much rather fight hand to hand, but Hanako had insisted on him at least carrying something ranged. “What are my orders?” He asked, at the ready to be told what to do. 

“You will protect V until he goes off on his own,” she said, looking Oda over, dressed for combat. “Protect him like you would protect me, please.” He shifted his stance, the straps that held his armor to his body were digging into him slightly, strapped in tightly to ensure his safety during combat. 

“I do not like the idea of leaving you behind if things start to turn against us,” Oda said, being honest, despite the fact that his opinion was not asked for, he gave it anyways. His job was to protect Hanako at all costs.

“Yorinobu will not harm me,” she reminded him. “He and my father failed to see eye to eye, but, the bond we have is different.”

“He may have killed your father, if that is the case, what is to stop him from doing the same to you?” Oda questioned, clearly not on board with the plan at all. He would much rather stay behind to protect Hanako. 

“You will do as you are told,” she said, an underlying tone of anger in her voice as Oda nodded, realizing he had overstepped by quite a bit. “Protect V, he will dismiss you, then come find me,” she said once again. 

“Yes, Hanako-sama,” he said, “I will protect him,” he said, repeating them to show that he understood. Even though he clearly didn’t like it. 

  
  


Oda glanced back to Hanako, although she looked worried, she still nodded, telling him to move forward with the plan. Letting out a deep sigh, he readjusted the grip on his pistol and moved forward, following V towards the elevators. 

He tapped out a message quickly. 

**Oda: Call me the second you need me, please. I will come running.**

**Hanako: I will**

He raced after V, adrenaline coursing through his veins. Several others stepped into the elevator, while a couple took the stairs. Fighting is where he felt at ease, able to ignore everything else and focus on his own strength.

“Oda,” V said, looking over at him. Oda noticed that he looked like shit, visibly looking unwell. The sight reminded him of a corpse. He had looked fine when they had met at the docks with Takemura, but now the guy looked like he had been dragged through hell by his ankles. Heavy bags sat under his eyes, slightly trembling all over. 

_ "V is unwell, please assist him when needed. He may not ask for help, but I trust you will know when to step in,"  _ Hanako had told him, the words bouncing around in his head.

“What?” Oda asked, bringing his attention back to the set of elevator doors. 

“I’m… I’m sorry about Takemura,” he said. “I went back for him, but by the time I got up there… the room was cleared out and he was gone.” The sound of the elevator mechanisms filled the area as silence stretched between them. The others said nothing. Oda thought for a long moment.

“I should have just agreed, and let you both meet with Hanako…” Oda said, clenching his jaw. V reached into an inner pocket of his jacket, pulling out a key and holding it out. 

“I grabbed his jacket when I went back, it’s in my closet in my apartment,” V explained, Oda reaching over and picking up the key, observing it for a moment. “I didn’t think to bring it with me, sorry.”

“It is alright,” Oda said, pocketing the key, light blue eyes flickering to the panel above the elevator doors, watching the number. “You bested me, why didn’t you kill me?” Oda asked, not tearing his gaze away from the panel. 

“He told me not to,” V said, looking down at the ground. V didn’t have to be told not to kill him, although Takemura probably didn’t know that yet. 

“I see,” Oda said, eyes flickering as he typed out another message. 

**Oda: I wish you were here, you would tell me what to do**

The message failed to deliver. 


	2. Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oda… it is time to let go," Takemura whispered. "Let's go home, together."  
>  "Goro… may I kiss you?" Oda looked across the bath to him, tears were caught in the well of his eyes, not large enough to spill over just yet.

“They have begun working on Takemura’s engram,” Hanako said, Oda looking out the window of the transport. Golden fingers cradled the flute of champagne, Oda bringing his attention over to her. 

“And?” He asked. 

“They only have half of his engram so far,” she explained. “But they assured me they are working on piecing the rest of it together. They have several netrunners working on it right now.” She was grateful that his engram was not needed to speak out against Yorinobu- his databases were too heavily protected at the time to be able to use it. 

“And… his body?”

“On ice right now, I instructed them not to destroy it until the engram was working, also in case they were able to repair him and put his engram back onto it. The odds of that are very low though,” she took a sip of her drink. “But, they are working around the clock on him.”

Oda nodded, Hanako handing him a drink. “Please, try to relax. We have both had a rough time in America, but hopefully things will go back to a sense of normalcy when we arrive back home,” she said, Oda taking the drink from her with a soft word of thanks. 

“May I go see him when we land?” He asked, Hanako smiling over at him. He watched his reflection in the small glass, watching how smooth it looked during the ride.

“Of course, I figured that would be the first thing you want to do. I will return back to the estate though, I am very tired and wish to rest,” she explained, Oda understanding. They had both been through absolute hell. "I will resume working tomorrow, or the day after."

“And your father? Brother?” He asked, not really sure how to refer to him now. 

“My father will return to work shortly,” she smiled, leaning back in the plush seat. She had long since removed her heels, setting them down by her feet as she relaxed. 

“I see,” Oda whispered, taking a deep sip of his drink. It did little to settle his active nerves, but he hoped things would go back to normal. He took another sip, followed by another until the entire glass was empty. Hanako took it from him and replaced it with another one. 

“And what of V?” He asked, although he really didn’t care all that much. He hadn’t been at his apartment when he dropped by, having to use the key to enter and retrieve Takemura’s jacket that was hanging in the small wardrobe. The apartment was much nicer than he was expecting, especially considering the look of the apartment megabuilding when he first approached it. He had gone in attempting to be discreet, a pair of black slacks paired with his blazer with white undershirt. Nothing on his person said that he was Arasaka. Light eyes had gazed across the  _ Burn Corpo Shit  _ graffiti that was plastered across the side of the building. 

"He is being taken care of," she smiled, Oda feeling a shiver race down his spine. He suspected she wasn't telling him the whole truth regarding it, but he chose not to press further. It was none of his business, and it did not truly pertain to him.

* * *

No one gave him a second glance as he slipped into the elevator at the Arasaka facility, punching in the floor that Hanako had given him. Part of him didn’t want to see Takemura’s body, but the other part of him told him he should- or he may regret it. Oda didn’t like having things he regretted not doing, so he made his choice to see him. 

The elevator began to move as soft music filled it, Oda leaning against the inside of it. He was tired from traveling, but he figured he should see Takemura before they made the call if they could put him back in his body or not. He didn’t know how the whole engram program worked, but he didn’t need to. All that mattered was if it worked, or not. It didn’t matter how the job was done, as long as it was done in the end. 

He had already been given a high security class, the elevator door opening followed by a glass set of double doors. As he had been told, four netrunners sat in custom-made leather chairs, wearing special cooling suits as menus and information popped up on the screens surrounding them. Doctors and nurses overlooked them, ready to disconnect them if they were to need to get out fast. 

No one paid him any mind, they knew he was coming, and they knew better. A smaller door opened automatically for him as he stepped into the side room. He stopped dead in his tracks at the large ice bath before him. 

_ “I should leave…”  _ He thought to himself, instantly feeling tears start to form in his eyes once again. Taking a deep breath in, he closed his eyes, trying to gain control over himself once more. The door slid shut behind him as he walked away from it, approaching Takemura. 

Despite his better knowledge, he did a scan. 

**Goro Takemura.**

**Residence: Arasaka Estate: Tokyo, Japan**

**Affiliate: Arasaka**

**Status: Deceased**

**Cause: Organ Failure and Blood Loss**

He leaned over the edge of the bath, eyes glancing across the bullet holes that scarred his chest, all stitched closed now. 

“You told V to spare me…” Oda whispered, as if Takemura would look up at him and smile. “I was your enemy… yet you made sure I was kept alive.” All that he could hear was the gentle thrum of the air conditioning that kept the room cool. “I could not do the same for you, I am sorry.”

His boots made a gentle sound as he crouched down next to the tub, reaching over to place a hand on his shoulder. He shivered at the cold skin he touched, a frown stretching across his face at the feeling. 

He wasn't really sure what to do now, Takemura had been there to give him advice always on his next moves, but now he didn't have that. Oda sat there, as if time would undo itself, as if the wounds that littered Takemura's body would somehow come undone.

As if Takemura would wake up and say he was cold, Oda laughing and giving him his jacket. 

But that wasn't going to happen. 

Takemura wasn't going to wake up again. 

Not unless they could fix his body back up, give him new organs, and jumpstart his body before uploading his engram back into it. The guards had shot to kill, not bothering to even attempt to cripple him, all shots landing in his chest and torso as Oda sighed, looking over him. 

Oda wished things had been different, the last time he had seen Takemura, he had yelled at him and threatened him. He wanted nothing more than to rewrite what had happened, or at least been kinder to him. His last moments with him were sour and tainted. 

Out of all the ways that it could have gone, it had to go the wrong way. 

"I am sorry," Oda muttered. 

He at least looked peaceful, and that's something he was thankful for. "I hope to speak with you soon, so I can apologize in person," he frowned, eyebrows knitting together.

* * *

Hanako received word that the engram was ready, purposefully not forwarding the word along to Oda just yet. She would rather speak with Takemura directly first, just the two of them. Three guards escorted her through the facility, and for a moment, it felt odd to not have Oda walking directly behind her, acting as her shadow as he silently followed her around. 

"Good morning," Hanako smiled, her heels hitting the metal flooring below as she walked across the room, Takemura turning around to look at her. "I see you are awake."

"Yes, although I did not have a say in that," he hummed. "I am positive I was not part of the program,” Takemura said, as if being alive were suddenly an inconvenience to him. 

He had certainly been confused when he opened his eyes, several doctors standing around him talking. It was disorienting, as he had previously been in a run down apartment in Night City and now he was somewhere entirely different. 

_ "Where is Hanako? Where is V? Did I pass out? I feel fine,"  _ he had thought to himself. The doctors smiled, welcoming him back to the land of the living, and then Takemura pieced it together. He had died, and become an engram. 

“I apologize, Takemura-san. I was the one who signed off on it,” Hanako answered, looking over at him. “Although I am grateful that it was a success, despite you being thrown into it late.”

Takemura was silent, Hanako able to tell he was deep in thought as he sat down on his knees to sit. He still wore his white button down and slacks, Hanako found it odd seeing him without his usual black clothing. She hadn't even recognized him outside of his usual outfit when he had made his way onto her parade float.

“I believe you have come to fill me in, if my clock is correct, it has been ten days,” he said, looking up at her, Hanako leaning against the desk a bit, breaking from her perfect poise for a second before correcting herself. “Where is V? He had the Silverhand construct? And Saburo… was his killer found?” 

“Calm yourself, Takemura,” she said, silencing him. Although it couldn’t be helped, he had questions about how things had turned out. “The construct was removed, but sadly there was too much damage done. We offered him the Save Your Soul Program and would bring him back later, but he refused, saying he would rather be free. He is currently in Night City, where he will succumb to his illness in six months.”

Takemura frowned, it did sound like him. Although it did sadden him that he would choose death over becoming an engram. The technology was there, and Arasaka was offering him a way out. But, V did not seem like the kind of guy that would want to be put on a chip for later use. He had many friends and loved ones that would be there to support him during his final times.

“My brother was the culprit, and using my father’s engram, the truth came out. They were able to put his engram into Yorinobu’s body- who agreed to the procedure,” she explained. "And the Silverhand construct has been destroyed."

“I was right about him, then,” Takemura said. 

“No one believed his story that he was poisoned to begin with, and for someone who was so quick to act with locking down Konpeki Plaza… he did not seem interested in finding who was behind it.” A long stretch of silence formed between them. “I am sorry, Takemura-san… I knew that he killed my father, and in the process you lost your life because I kept it a secret until the moment was right, she said, voice soft. 

Takemura looked up at her. 

“I see. I would have rather died protecting him,” he said, putting the pieces together. Hanako knew, and said nothing. So much could have been avoided had she spoken out against Yorinobu earlier. His memories had been hazy at first, fogged over, the puzzle pieces not exactly fitting together as he tried to sort out the timeline of events that had happened during the parade. 

He remembered telling V to go check the door, having heard something. Despite being a fugitive, his goal was to ensure the safety of Hanako regardless. Takemura never thought that he would have to protect Hanako from Arasaka guards, shielding her from the bullets before she was wrenched from his grasp. 

He remembered a gun in his hand, the metal slowly warming under his touches. 

He remembered the first bullet in his shoulder; a warning. But he did not cease. 

The other bullets came much faster, hitting him in quick succession as he fell backwards, the gun falling from his grasp as alerts flashed in front of his eyes. His OS system began failing, his entire body shutting down quickly. He didn't think he had ever experienced something so painful in his entire life, tears sliding down his face as his chest fell with his final exhale.

“I am sorry, I did not intend on this happening. If I had seen this coming, I would have acted differently,” she promised. “Especially if I knew Oda would take it like this.”

“I assume he did not take it well,” Takemura figured, looking down at the flooring below him. 

“That is an understatement. I have never seen anyone cry so hard in their entire life, nor throw themselves at my feet and beg for your engram to be created. Even now, with an engram of you in the process, he is struggling to adjust back to normal life,” she sighed, looking down at him. “That is why I brought you back, I hoped it would bring him a sense of peace. I am deeply sorry if you did not wish to be brought back.”

“Your wants are my wants,” Takemura said. “I may have been loyal to your father primarily, but I would still do anything you asked of me,” he explained. "Arasaka has given me everything, and I am here to repay my debts in any way possible."

“I am grateful you feel that way,” she said. “Oda is en route, he has been waiting to see you.”

“I see, hopefully it will clear his mind a bit.”

“I hope it does, I worry about him," she whispered, Takemura noticing the tiredness that shone in her eyes as they spoke.

* * *

“Takemura-san,” Oda smiled, practically sprinting across the room to him. “It worked,” he said softly. Takemura looked up at him, Oda quickly sitting down in front of him, hands in his lap. “I’ve never seen an engram before…”

“It is the same as if I were still alive, just not physical,” Takemura explained. “Although it seems Saburo had a body lined up in reserve when he joined the program.”

“Yeah… he took Yorinobu’s body. He never mentioned that to you?”

Takemura shook his head. “No, although, what good is a bodyguard to one that cannot die? If I had known, it may have affected my job.”

“I’m just glad you’re back,” Oda smiled, it was evident that he missed him in the ten short days he had been gone. 

“I heard you begged and cried until you got your way,” Takemura pointed out, frowning. Oda quickly bowed his head in shame. "To Hanako, nonetheless, I thought I taught you better manners than that."

“My judgment was clouded, I was overwhelmed, and it will not happen again,” he assured him. Takemura was silent, looking over Oda for a few quick moments. 

“Oda,” he said, the other peering up at him, pushing himself back up to a sitting position. “Considering how you are acting, she has not told you.”

“Told me what? Hanako-sama?” Oda asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Oda… Hanako knew the whole time that Yorinobu did it,” he said, “she came to me and confessed and apologized for not sharing the information with me earlier.”

Oda froze, forgetting to breathe for a moment. 

“Then… there was no reason for you to take her during the parade to speak with her… you… you died for nothing,” Oda said, tears forming in his eyes already at the thought. Takemura remained silent as Oda took in the information, quickly trying to wipe the tears from his cheeks. It was bad enough Hanako had witnessed him cry, he did not need his mentor to see it too. Oda's stomach lurched at the thought of Takemura being gunned down in the abandoned apartment building, something that could have been avoided so easily. 

“Do not hold this against her,” Takemura insisted. “She did the right thing by not telling us.” 

“So she remained silent as you were hunted by Arasaka? She did nothing to try to help you, after everything you have done? You gave them everything, and…" 

“Arasaka owes me  _ nothing  _ for what I have done,” Takemura interrupted him quickly, Oda falling quiet. 

“She could have saved you, you could be sitting here right next to me for real!” Oda shouted, his temper flaring up instantly, Takemura not even blinking at the sudden change. “This is her fault.”

“Oda, stop,” Takemura said, looking tired. “You cannot fix the past, forget about everything that happened in Night City, move on. V already has.” But he knew Oda better than anyone did, and he certainly was not going to move on. 

“I need to talk to Hanako-sama about this.”

“There is a reason why she did not tell you, she did not want you to know.”

“So, she had you tell me for her?”

“She did not order me to tell you, nor did she ask. I am giving you this information on my own free will,” Takemura pointed out. “I did not have to share this information. I chose to do so because I felt you should know.”

Oda was silent for several minutes, hands clenched into fists in his lap as tears fell down onto his pants. “Oda, do not let this hold you back. Use it to become strong-“

“I don’t want to be stronger! I want you back! No amount of training can fix this!” He cried, Takemura falling silent. “No one has ever been there for me like you were, and now I’m all alone!” The entire room fell silent, Takemura struggling to find what to say.

"I am sorry, Oda," Takemura said after several long moments, watching tears glide down Oda's face. "I wish I were actually here for you, to reach over and wipe your tears away, but I cannot. So you will have to do it for me."

Oda sniffled, nose running now as he wiped his face clean, his lungs starting to ache from the constant crying. "Oda…" Takemura whispered, allowing his eyes to slip shut. 

"Goro… I-I loved you," Oda confessed, tears streaming down his face. His pulse pounded in his ears, his chest ached. Everything was starting to hurt again.

"I know," he answered," Takemura answered, Oda's heart shattering. "I have always known, it was not my place to bring it up." Oda had many chances to tell Takemura before this, during the countless nights of vigorous sparring and fighting, when Takemura would hover over him and assess the damage done to ensure that Oda didn't need a ripperdoc. When they would share meals quietly in the courtyard of an Arasaka Estate. He even had the chance to confess in Night City, the both of them speaking at the docks in Japantown. Any of those times would have been better than this. 

"I…" He muttered, finding himself at a loss for words. Oda dried his face once more to remove the last few stray tears. "They.. they still have your body, right? They can put you back into it."

"It is damaged beyond repair," Takemura muttered. "The odds of them finding a body for me are slim, and it will take a very long time."

"But… Saburo got one-"

"Yorinobu is his son, they were a perfect match and compatible. I have no family," Takemura spoke calmly. 

"So… you'll never come back," Oda said, slowly realizing that things were not swinging into his favor. 

"I am afraid not. But I am an engram at least," he tried to point out the good at least, mainly to prevent Oda from crying once again. "And they are saying my engram cannot stay here, I am to ask you if you would take me back with you. Sadly, I would be confined to your living space, but you would not have to travel to see me," he said, Oda giving a soft smile. 

"Yes… you can come home with me," Oda nodded, Takemura smiled. 

  
  


* * *

“Guess this is where I have to say goodbye, right?” He asked, looking over to the doctor who held two tablets. 

“I am afraid so, his body cannot be used, so it must be destroyed,” the doctor answered. “I will leave you two alone while you say goodbye,” he said, the door quietly closing behind him. Oda set the engram transmitter on the table, Takemura frowning down at his body. 

“It is… odd to see yourself like this,” Takemura said, crouching down to get a better look at his body. 

“It was weird for me to see it,” Oda admitted, standing behind Takemura. 

“Where will my ashes be taken to?” 

“They would not tell me, you are Arasaka property, so I was unable to find out,” Oda said, leaning over the edge of the ice bath. The sound of the cooling units filled the small room as the silence stretched between them. "Did it hurt?" Oda asked, he knew he shouldn't be asking, but he was curious. In their line of work, death was inevitable, and they were both disposable. 

Takemura sighed. "Unfortunately, yes," he admitted, "unbearably so."

"I see," Oda muttered, watching Takemura's fingers ghost over the Arasaka logo on the center of his throat, just above his collar bones. 

“You can take this part off, there is a latch underneath, you should take it with you. I do not have many things you can have to remember me by physically, I am afraid,” he said, Oda looking up at him then to the polished silver metal of the plate, the logo emblazoned in bright red in the center. 

Oda reached over, pressing his thumb over the logo, index finger feeling the small mechanism behind it as he pressed and released, watching as the small piece came off in his hand. “It is not much, but it is something you can have,” Takemura said, Oda looking down at it. 

“Thank you," Oda whispered, voice soft as he looked at the piece in his hand, watching the white fluorescent light overhead reflect off of it. 

"Do you need a moment?" Takemura asked, Oda trying to process everything. That this was goodbye for good. That he would never be able to see his body ever again after this moment. There would never be another day that Takemura would throw him around in sparring, or chide him for his lack of healthy food choices. Those days were completely gone now. After today, he would only exist digitally.

"I'll be fine," Oda said, trying his best to keep it together. Takemura watched as Oda's knuckles turned white as he grasped the side of the ice tub, the other tightening his other hand into a fist around the small piece of metal. Oda was struggling not to cry, Takemura choosing not to comment on it because he didn't want him to feel even worse. Takemura wished he were physically there, not sitting dead in an ice bath as Oda was trying not to sob. 

Takemura leaned against the tub, looking down at his body once more. It was slightly unnerving, knowing that his body got pumped full of bullets back in that apartment. Although he was glad that V didn't have to see his body like this- and he was extremely glad that Oda didn't see his fresh body like that. He had thought about death many times, it was inevitable. He was a bodyguard for Saburo Arasaka, who had many enemies. It was going to happen eventually, but he did not expect that he would be gunned down by Arasaka Assault Guards in a dusty apartment in Night City.

Takemura watched as the water rippled as a few stray tears managed to make their way through Oda, despite the fact he was practically shaking to hold them in. 

"Oda… it is time to let go," Takemura whispered. "Let's go home, together."

"Goro… may I kiss you?" Oda looked across the bath to him, tears were caught in the well of his eyes, not large enough to spill over just yet.

Takemura didn't even have to think about it. "Yes," he answered. Oda wished it had been under different circumstances- better ones. 

Oda leaned down, ghosting his lips across Takemura's; kissing him gently, shivering at the temperature difference. He wanted nothing more than for things to be different, for the situation to be better. For him to have asked for a kiss while they overlooked the snow-covered courtyard of one of the estates, or as Oda caught cherry blossoms that fell from the trees in mid-air as the wind had knocked them loose. One more tear slipped down Oda's cheek as he pulled back and stood up. 

"Let's go," Oda said, Takemura nodding, wishing he could reach over and wipe the tears from his cheekbones. 


	3. Daily Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How long did you know…"  
> "That you had feelings for me?" Takemura clarified, Oda not saying anything in response. A deep sigh left him, knowing that this would come up eventually. "A while, I do have working eyes," he said, Oda quickly covering his face with both hands out of pure embarrassment. Here he thought he had been discrete about it, up until recently, he thought Takemura had no idea how he truly felt about him. "I did not feel it was right of me to mention it, as I knew you would eventually say it when you felt it was right."

The television was almost always on in Oda's room, just to have something on in the background, he also felt it was something Takemura could enjoy. He downloaded dozens of books onto tablets for him, the both of them being hit with the realization that Takemura could not hold the tablet, nor turn the page on the screen on his own. 

Oda didn't mind, happily laying on his stomach next to Takemura on the bed, reaching over to tap the small arrow in the top corner of the screen to flip the page for him, a smile on his face. Takemura read for several hours before they both brought their attention to the television screen. 

"What are they protesting now?" Takemura asked, rolling his eyes. 

"They are upset Saburo was brought back," Oda explained, pushing himself up to sit on the bed, watching the screen. "The Secure Your Soul program had a good reputation, before it was used on him. Now, people are realizing it is not just for their loved ones, and family members. Politicians and head officers can use it, and technically live forever with power. They feel it is unfair."

"I see," Takemura muttered, "how does Hanako feel about this?"   
"I have not asked, but according to her schedule, she has been doing meetings on the phone around the clock almost."

"This is likely taking a toll on her, when you speak with her tomorrow, use caution."

Oda sighed, reaching over to flip the page for him once more, Takemura whispering a soft word of thanks before he continued reading, Oda turning the television off, tired of hearing about the protests constantly. "Also, I meant to ask, the jacket, how did you get it?" He asked, eyes flickering over to the jacket that was hanging on the back of Oda's bedroom door. He remembered purchasing it in Night City, needing something that would keep him warm at night.

"The merc gave it to me," Oda said, "he said he retrieved it from the apartment."

"I did not give it to him… meaning he came back for me," Takemura said, glancing over to Oda for more information.

"He told me he made his way back, but by the time he got to the room, you were already gone," he stated, flopping over onto his back with a heavy sigh. "He told me this before he fought Adam Smasher."

"And won?" Takemura asked, he had stood next to Yorinobu's bodyguard several times. He wasn't a small man by any means, but he felt incredibly tiny standing next to Smasher. He was more machine than man at that point, most of his body completely rewired. Takemura distantly wondered how Yorinobu managed to nab a deal with the legend to become his bodyguard.

Probably gave him any and all the upgrades he could ever want as payment. 

"Yes," Oda said, "I was not there though, he told me to go back to Hanako, and that he could finish his business alone. Apparently he had no difficulty taking him down though," Oda said. Now it certainly was not surprising that V had handed Oda his own ass on a silver platter. 

"I see," Takemura said, bringing his attention back to his reading.

* * *

  
  


The atmosphere of Hanako's office was different, the lights that were usually on were now off, plunging most of the room into darkness. Normally all the windows were open, flooding the room with sunlight. Now, everything was shut up, keeping the bright light out. A shiver shot through his body as she looked up at him from her desk. She promptly brought her attention back to tapping at her computer, no doubt busier than ever now that her father was back. 

His shoes were completely silent against the pristine hardwood flooring before him, stopping in front of her desk, the front of his thighs nearly touching the front of it. 

"I do not believe I called for you, is something wrong?" She asked, looking up at him, meeting his eyes. She had not received any indication that security was broken. 

"Why didn't you tell Takemura that you knew it was Yorinobu?" He asked bluntly. Silence hung heavy in the air as she looked up at him, trying to decide on how to answer. Her chair rolled across the floor before she stood up, making her way over to the expanse of massive windows that lined the wall. A set of glass double doors led to the courtyard outside. The sun was setting in the distance, her work schedule had begun to shift, becoming longer and longer into the evening hours. When walking the compound at night, he could hear the gentle tapping of her keyboard at well past midnight.

"I did not expect him to share that information with you," she said, looking out at the still pool outside. The sky was filled with purples and oranges, reflecting off of the water's surface.

"The dead can speak openly without fear of repercussions," Oda said, and he knew he spoke the truth. Takemura knew that nothing poor could be done to him, aside from turning his engram off or deleting it. But he was already dead, the damage had been done, and nothing could be held against him at this point. “His death could have been avoided,” he walked around the desk, not standing behind her, but next to her at this point. 

“I know, Oda, and I am sorry,” she said, bringing her attention to him. Oda noted that she did not look any less tired than she did when they were in Night City- wondering how many sleepless nights she had endured since returning home. They both had messed up sleep schedules now, Oda tossing and turning during the nights- Takemura suggesting some tea before bed.

“You knew the whole time that your father could be brought back, and Takemura was just a pawn to be pulled from the table and tossed in the trash when you were done, right?”

“I gave him back to you,” she whispered, Oda’s jaw clenching so tight he felt a headache already starting to form. He inhaled deeply, how dare she act as if she was being generous. She was the reason Takemura was dead in the first place. He could feel his pulse starting to spike up again, telling himself internally to calm down, so he would not lose his temper in front of Hanako of all people.

“And you wouldn’t have if I didn’t ask,” he immediately retorted, feeling himself start to give in to his anger. "You're just being selfish."

The sound of a slap filled the air as Oda recoiled, a stinging sensation shooting across his face as he took a step back in case she was going to do it again. His gaze was lowered to the floor as she took dominance of the situation instantly. “And you begging to have him brought back against his wishes is not selfish? Perhaps he should go over discipline with you again,” she said, her tone raised. “You are dismissed until you calm down,” she said. Oda had seen her throughout many things, but he had never seen her downright pissed like this. 

_ “Everyone has a breaking point, even her,"  _ he reminded himself, remembering Takemura's words that she was also struggling with the massive anti-arasaka protests that were now bringing the Secure Your Soul program into a poor light.

His jaw clenched as his hands curled into fists as the stinging across his cheek began to ache more. Oda certainly had more he wanted to say, but he bit his tongue, deciding it was best to just end things there before the disagreement turned into a full-blown argument between the two of them.

“Fine,” he spat, turning on heel and exiting the room.

  
  


The door to his own room opened automatically, Takemura looking up at him as he stormed across the room and landed face first on the bed. 

“I assume it did not go well,” Takemura said, leaning back in the small chair that was next to the window. Oda exhaled loudly, trying to get a grip on himself so he wouldn’t brood and get even more upset over the situation. Oda lifted his head from the bed, looking over at Takemura.

“I am surprised she struck you,” Takemura said, raising an eyebrow before standing up, investigating the large mark across Oda’s cheek. He sat down next to him. “She is going through a lot, Oda. Please keep this in mind, she has lost her brother, and now the protests."

Oda said nothing, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. 

“I wish things were different.” 

“Things will not be different unless you change your course, sitting and being upset will not change anything,” Takemura said, Oda looking up at him. “Oda, let it go.”

“I do not want to,” he said. 

“For me, please,” Takemura continued, closing his eyes as he laid down on the bed, joining Oda in staring at the ceiling. 

Silence stretched between the two of them, the entire compound quiet as Oda calmed down. “You should shower, and get some rest. I promise you will feel better,” he continued. "You also need to eat too."

“I would rather just stay here,” he said, rolling over, Takemura sighing. 

“Come on, get up,” Takemura stood up, motioning for Oda to follow him. “Just because I am an engram does not mean I cannot tell you what to do. Now up, go shower,” he ordered, Oda nodding as he stood up, grabbing a fresh set of clothes from his dresser before slipping into the bathroom. 

Oda removed his jacket before his button down shirt, tossing everything into a pile in the corner of the room. Takemura leaned against the doorframe, the engram projector not able to go around the corner. "When you are finished, we can watch television together," Takemura suggested, Oda smiling a bit at the thought of the both of them lying in bed together, watching a show. 

He turned the water up hotter and hotter, until his skin turned red from the temperature difference, placing both hands on the wall as the water cascaded across his shoulders, soaking his hair, causing it to stick to the armor that coated his neck. Damp hands rubbed his face several times, trying to rub the stress away. His cheek still stung quite a bit, but the water did help. 

After scrubbing his entire body raw, he stepped out of the shower, dripping water across the bathroom as he lazily towel dried himself, slipping on a pair of black sweatpants. He continued to dry himself off, hair dripping before he was able to run the towel through it several times. 

Takemura was already on the bed, fingers laced together over his chest as he looked over at him, Oda offering a small smile. 

"I feel better," Oda said, "only a bit, but I do feel better," he admitted. 

"I am glad," Takemura said, the bed sinking as Oda climbed onto it, sitting up and bringing his knees to his chest. It was evident that Oda wasn't feeling entirely 100%, but Takemura was just happy that he was doing better than he previously was. He turned the television on remotely for Takemura, wishing that he could do it on his own. The lights dimmed as Oda flopped backwards, staring up at the ceiling once again. 

The television was turned up as Oda flopped over onto his side, looking over at Takemura. 

"I wish you were here….." Oda whispered, voice hardly audible over the television. He longed for the long bouts of sparring between the two of them that would leave them both panting and overheating, Oda sprawled out on the hardwood flooring as he struggled to catch his breath. He missed Takemura pinning him to the ground, arm pinned behind his back, feeling the pressure increasing in his shoulder as it was nearly dislocated, slamming his hand on the flooring below to admit defeat. 

"I do too," Takemura muttered back, reaching over to swipe the single tear that ran down Oda's face, thumb vanishing into his cheek as he did so. "But I am here in a different way, at least," he said, lips curving into a smile. "You should be grateful, Oda. Not many people get a second chance to be with people, I am not telling you that you cannot mourn, but you should be grateful that I am at least here."

Oda sniffled a bit, trying to prevent himself from fully crying yet again. Takemura was right, he should be grateful that he at least had an engram, which should be enough. He technically was only gone physically, digitally he would be at his side for as long as he wanted. 

But deep down, he knew that wasn’t fair for Takemura, to keep him here because of his own wants. 

_ "And you begging to have him brought back against his wishes is not selfish?"  _ Hanako's words bounced around in his head. 

Selfish.

He was no better than Hanako.

The holotelevision played softly in the background, but neither of them were watching it, staring up at the blank ceiling above them both. 

"You should try to get some rest, Oda," Takemura muttered, looking over to him, he looked like he hadn't gotten a good night's rest in a long time. Gentle lines were forming beneath his eyes, exposing his exhaustion. 

"I do not feel tired," he replied. A blatant lie. He felt drained, both physically and mentally. His thoughts felt like fog trapped in his head. He didn't think he had felt like this since fighting the merc in Night City, his face shield destroyed as the screen on the outside flickered in defeat.

"Your body needs to rest," Takemura insisted, "a shower and rest will do your body good, I promise. If you won't rest, then please eat something, or drink some water. I am worried about you."

Oda sighed as he stood up. There were a thousand other things he wanted to do instead of sleep. He would much rather be in the gym training, or running laps around the compound until his legs felt like jelly, shaking underneath him before finally giving out. He hated having spare time, knowing he could be bettering his body and mind. 

But he didn't think he could even handle doing push ups at the moment.

He grabbed Takemura's coat from the back of the door, practically throwing himself onto the bed and pulling it up over his bare chest, taking a deep inhale, taking in the various scents on it. 

Sweat. 

Gunpowder. 

Grease. 

He knew that Takemura had no time to wash it, not that he minded. It was one of the only possessions he had of his now. His jacket and a small piece of metal from him, those and memories were all he had. Oda curled up slightly so the jacket could cover more of him as he rolled over onto his side. 

His HUD read that it was nearly ten at night now, and although he wasn't feeling better, he would still show up for work as usual tomorrow; where he would apologize profusely for his ill-temper and poor manners in front of Hanako of all people. 

"Sleep well, Sandayu," Takemura whispered, wishing he could pull the jacket up over Oda's chest further. 

"Thank you, Takemura-san," he muttered back, allowing his eyes to slip shut. He didn't truly want to sleep, but he knew that he should, and hopefully he would start to feel better in the morning. 

* * *

  
  


His alarm went off at six as per usual, his internal alarm constantly scheduled out for him every day as he opened his eyes, swiping away the notification as he sat up, allowing the jacket to fall from his chest as he stretched his arms up over his head. 

The holotelevision was still playing, Takemura watching the news and weather for the day. He didn't realize he had left it on, he must have been more tired than he previously thought if he was able to fall asleep with it not bothering him in the slightest. 

Oda still felt fairly tired, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, pushing himself to his feet. 

"It is going to rain today," Takemura said, sitting up and looking over at Oda as he began to change, sliding on a fresh pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved workout shirt. 

"Not surprising," Oda said, slipping his shoes on before pulling his hair back into a small ponytail. 

"Would you take me outside with you?" Takemura asked, Oda looking over at him before nodding a few times. 

"Sure, there are a few places you'll keep dry," Oda pointed out, clicking the engram off, watching Takemura vanish as he slid the piece of tech into one of his pockets. The entire compound was silent as he slipped through the building, pushing one of the doors open as he looked at the overcast sky. He didn't believe anyone got up as early as he did, Hanako not waking up until seven to start her day.

The projector was set on one of the small tables under the overhang in case it were to start raining. The last thing he needed was to have this damaged, although he was sure that they had a back up of Takemura's engram somewhere, but he had already gone through so much to get this one. He certainly did not want to deal with getting a new one. 

Takemura sat on one of the benches, looking up at the dark sky. 

"Looks like it is more of a storm that is headed this way," Takemura said, Oda watching the dark storm clouds in the distance. 

"It would seem so," he said, having a slightly bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, he wasn't sure what the reason was, storms hadn't given him issues in a very long time. But then again, it had been a while since they had encountered a heavy storm- typically it was light rainfall. He liked the rain, although it did obstruct his audio processors and make it harder to hear smaller things around the compound.

The palms of his hands were used to the heavy abuse as he started doing push ups on the concrete, making a mental note to keep his back straight. He had not resumed working out fully since returning from Night City- just doing light jogs here and there to clear his mind. Oda could feel that his body had weakened significantly, his biceps burning after only a dozen push ups, his arms beginning to shake after twenty. Takemura said nothing as he observed, watching Oda struggle to push himself back up as he stared at the concrete below. 

He rolled over, deciding that he should give his arms a break as he began to do sit ups. He welcomed the burn of his abs, the sweat dripping down the small of his back that soaked into his black shirt. He saw his pulse accelerating as he worked out aggressively, trying to take his attention off of everything that had happened over the past several weeks. 

"Oda, do not overwork yourself, or you will be unable to work out tomorrow," Takemura said, knowing what Oda was doing. 

"I am fine, I just need to push myself."

"There is a difference between pushing yourself to be better, and destroying your body. You will be doing more harm than good" Takemura said, Oda sighing as he stopped, leaning back and splaying out on the concrete. 

Deep down, he knew that Takemura was right, there was a reason why he was his mentor for so long. "You need to find another outlet," he continued, Oda nodded, pushing himself to his feet. 

"Alright, let's go to the courtyard then," he sighed, picking up the small projector, Takemura walking alongside him. The projector was placed under one of the large benches.

Oda closed his eyes as he sat down in the grass, sitting back on his knees as he put his hands in his lap, taking in a deep breath through his nose, trying to lower his pulse. Takemura joined him, sitting down next to him as they meditated in silence. The wind rustled the leaves of the trees, which was the only thing they could hear. 

"I used to hate this," Oda said. 

"I know, you always threw a fit when training was over, and I would ask you to sit and clear your thoughts with me," Takemura reminisced. "But you always sat with me anyway, and I would peek over at you and you would look more and more relaxed as time passed."

"Now I wish we had done it more often," Oda admitted, letting silence stretch between the two of them.

He wasn't sure how long they sat like that, remaining still as droplets of rain began to soak into the ground around them. Thunder boomed in the distance, Oda not budging as the rain began to fall quickly, thoroughly soaking him in a matter of moments. The sound of rainfall was welcomed, rain dripping from the end of his nose into his lap. His clothes clung to his body tightly.

"We should go inside," Takemura said, not opening his eyes yet. 

"Alright," Oda nodded, standing up, and looking up at the sky. Rain dripped from the metal that lined his jaw. A deep breath filled his lungs, he certainly felt better than he did when he woke up. He plucked the projector out from under the bench, shoving it under his shirt to protect it from the rain as he ran inside. 

Water dripped from each square inch of him onto the flooring below as he sighed, setting the projector down as he began to strip his clothes off, knowing it was better to do that than to track water around and creating a bigger mess. 

After a quick shower and a change of clothes, he felt ready for the day. Takemura looked out the triple layered reinforced glass of his window, watching the rain trickle down the sleek surface. Thunder shook the building, the glass door of the shower rattling slightly from the vibrations. 

Oda adjusted his gloves, ensuring they were on tight, fingers running over the velcro around his wrist before looking at the armor that coated the back of his hand.

"You should take an additional day off," Takemura said, "I do not feel you are in a proper headspace yet, but I do not believe you will listen to me."

"I cannot just sit around, I need to resume back to my life," Oda sighed, straightening his jacket as he looked over to Takemura, frowning. 

"I know, you wish to return back to a normal routine. But you need to give yourself rest, it is not good to suppress things, Oda. You will keep yourself bottled up for too long, and when you stumble, you will burst and collapse," Takemura said, turning to look over at Oda. Oda couldn't place the expression he was being given, he didn't think he had ever seen it. Takemura was always level headed, but he wasn't afraid to give out his opinion or advice when he felt it was necessary between the two of them. 

Their eyes locked for a moment before Takemura brought his attention back to the outside, watching rain pelt the yard outside. 

"Would it make you happy if I took today off?" Oda asked. 

"Yes, it would," Takemura answered, "You should spend the day resting further, your mind is not cleared yet."

Oda looked over at Takemura, his mentor had never steered him wrong yet, and even in death, he was still looking out for him. Oda pulled up his HUD, wiping his schedule for the day and blocking the day out so he could not be contacted unless it was urgent. 

"Fine," Oda said, giving in quickly, Takemura smiling to himself, Oda pretending he couldn't see it in the reflection of the window's glass pane. 

Oda listened to the rain hitting the roof, just barely audible over the sound of the television playing. Takemura seemed more interested in the anti-Arasaka protests than anything else, sitting at the foot of the bed, elbows resting on his knees with his head on one hand. 

"Saburo is going to make a public statement tomorrow," Oda said, looking up from his tablet, watching some sort of movie that Takemura couldn't remember the name of. 

"About?" 

"I believe he wants to calm everyone, and he hasn't made a public statement other than the one announcing he had come back," Oda explained, voice hushing, as if he weren't supposed to be telling him this information.

"I see…" Takemura said, looking back up to the television. 

Oda was looking at the screen, not watching it, staring off into space as he was lost in thought. 

"Takemura-san, may I ask you something?" Oda asked, not looking up, pressing the pause button on the screen. 

"Oh? What is on your mind?" Takemura asked, bringing his attention from the television, Oda turning the volume down automatically for him. 

"How long did you know…" 

"That you had feelings for me?" Takemura clarified, Oda not saying anything in response. A deep sigh left him, knowing that this would come up eventually. "A while, I do have working eyes," he said, Oda quickly covering his face with both hands out of pure embarrassment. Here he thought he had been discrete about it, up until recently, he thought Takemura had no idea how he truly felt about him. "I did not feel it was right of me to mention it, as I knew you would eventually say it when you felt it was right."

"Until I ran out of time."

"You still got to tell me, though," Takemura pointed out, "that is more than some people can say."

Oda let out a sigh before nodding, it was true, he at least had gotten to tell him that he loved him. And he should be grateful. Oda brought his knees up, crossing his legs in front of him as he set the tablet aside, Takemura moving from the foot of the bed to sit next to him. "I never got to tell you when I was alive, Oda," Takemura confessed, looking over at the tablet, watching the screen fade to black from inactivity. "I apologize for keeping it from you for so long, but my duties and work needed to come first, and I could not allow for distractions caused by emotions," he said, Oda giving him a side glance. "I had feelings for you too, but I ignored them to the best of my ability. Looking back, I guess I was much better at hiding it than you were."

Oda laid down on the bed, pressing his cheekbone into the plush pillow. Takemura looked down at him, wishing he could run his fingers through his soft hair a few times. 

But he couldn't. 

He never would be able to do it again. 

He frowned down at Oda, who's eyes had slowly slipped closed, his breathing evening out, deep in thought or half-asleep. Takemura wasn't going to check, in case he was almost asleep.

"If things had been different… imagine… we could have run off together," Oda whispered, Takemura closing his eyes as he thought about it. "I do not know where we could have gone, but it would have been nice," Oda continued, a smile spreading across his face. He had never really thought about what life without Arasaka would have been like, and he was positive that Takemura had never thought about it, and probably would never think about it unless it was brought up to him. 

"France is pretty," Takemura said. He had been there once for a large meeting, he was grateful for his job that allowed him to travel the world and see places. Growing up, he couldn't ever imagine leaving Japan, looking at photos of the outside world with wide eyes. 

Oda had never left Japan aside from going to America, Hanako never had to leave her estate, he wished he could see more of the world, but that was what BD's were for. It was hard to imagine, the two of them trying to live normal lives, like how V and his friends did, with no outside corpo help. 

Takemura opened his mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by Oda gently snoring below him. "You would have loved France," he whispered, Oda not stirring on the bed. "The food, the coffee, the sweets… you never would have wanted to leave," he smiled, listening to the thunder boom overhead, Oda shifting a bit at the sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those that are still continuing to read! It has really grown a lot from what I wanted it to be haha


	4. France

"You should eat, Sandayu," he said, as if he could read the alert that popped up on Oda's HUD indicating him that it was time for dinner, watching the younger man swipe away the notification. 

"I am not hungry," Oda answered, looking over his laptop as he sat at his small desk, Takemura leaning over his shoulder. 

"I did not ask if you were hungry, I was telling you that you need to eat," Takemura said, Oda sighing and shaking his head. "Even if it is just some rice and water, it will do your body good."

The thought of eating anything, even unsalted rice made his stomach lurch. He tried to focus on the sound of the rain pelting against the glass window- the storm had yet to subside by the end of the day.

"Maybe in a few hours," Oda said, not bothering to set a reminder. He knew that Takemura would remind him. 

"Promise me you will at least attempt to eat something today? I have not seen you eat or drink anything since you brought me here," he said, Oda closing his laptop in frustration. His hand tapped the top of the engram projector, head jerking up as he realized his finger was grazing across the power button without thinking. 

He pulled his hand off of it like he had touched an open flame. "I apologize, my temper is getting the best of me," he said, bringing his hand back into his lap as Takemura crouched down next to him.

"There is nothing wrong with being alone, Oda. I do not have to be here every single moment with you, if you want some alone time, please, you can turn it back on when you are ready to have company again," Takemura said gently, Oda growing more frustrated with himself as he spoke. "Please, take some time for yourself, there is nothing wrong with that, I'll be here when you're ready," Takemura promised, watching as Oda reached out, flipping the switch on the back of the projector, leaving him alone in the room. 

It was weird, being alone. Over the past few days, he had gotten used to having Takemura as a roommate. Oda went to open the laptop, only to decide against it. He slipped his shoes back on, heading over to the gym. 

He got fairly soaked on his brisk jog over there, as if running there would keep him any dryer. The storm had turned into a complete downpour, lightning illuminating the dark compound. He almost always had the gym to himself, which he appreciated. The only other people that used it extensively were him and Takemura when he was doing training. 

He flipped the lights on, kicking his shoes off and shedding his jacket too, setting them aside for now. It was slightly cool inside, but he knew that he would be able to warm himself up. 

Oda's calves burned as he started jogging from one end to the other, tapping the floor on each lap. He relished in the burn, knowing his muscles were working, he needed to get back into peak shape. His injuries from fighting V had healed fully by now, the pain in his ribs that had been nursed back to health were forgotten about as he began to do more push-ups. His arms trembled as he closed his eyes, pushing himself to go further. He didn't want to stop, not yet. Instead of staying upright, he allowed his legs to fall to his knees, doing smaller push-ups now. Any movement was better than no movement. 

His arms felt like jelly by the time he was done, his breathing accelerated. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this worn out. 

Mind wandering for a few moments, he began to feel worse and worse about himself before shaking the thoughts away, pushing himself to his feet before going through training drills. 

He looked over to the bench where Takemura would normally supervise. 

_Your balance is off, lower your center to make it harder for your enemy to throw you around._

_You have to compensate for your non-dominant hand._

_Very good._

_Again._

_Let me show you, here._

A knee hit the flooring as he panted, sweat dripping from his body. A hand pushed his hair free from his face. He waited in silence, as if Takemura would appear, standing above him and telling him how to improve. He waited for the words that never came, silence answering him. The only thing he heard was his own pulse in his ears, and the rain pelting the roof. 

He wished things were different, he wished that he had been stronger. If he had not let V best him, he would have been able to stop Takemura before he got to Hanako. But deep down, none of that would have happened if Hanako would have been upfront with the knowledge that she held. His stomach growled, pulling him from his thoughts. 

He had not eaten all day, and his body was protesting the fact that it was running low on energy, especially after a workout. The rain had let up a little bit as he ran back inside, the door sliding open and shut for him before he made his way to the kitchen. 

It was not absurdly late, only quarter til eight. 

He fixed himself a bowl of rice, something bland and plain that would not upset his system too much before he returned to his room, sitting on his bed. He was far hungrier than he had previously thought, eating the entire bowl in record time, wishing that there was more. He could always get a protein bar later, it would be something with high nutrients that Takemura would be proud of. 

The room was eerily silent as he sat alone, setting the bowl on the bedside table. 

Oda pulled his knees to his chest, a deep sigh sliding through his lips. 

* * *

Takemura never commented on how Oda was doing, the bags under his eyes, how he looked like he was losing weight rapidly. He would get up at the same time every morning, slipping his uniform on before going to work without even eating or brushing his teeth. He could only offer gentle encouragement. 

_You will sleep better after a long shower._

_Salmon sounds good, doesn’t it? I miss it._

He sat at Oda’s desk, waiting for him to return from work as usual, ankle crossed up over one knee as he waited patiently. He had nothing but time now, too much free time, but nothing really to do with said time. 

The door opened automatically, Oda holding a small package, looking over at Takemura with an eyebrow raised. 

“How did you order something?” Oda asked, extremely shocked. 

“I have my ways,” he smiled, “I can access the net, just as you can. I wanted to order you something,” Takemura said, Oda sitting at the foot of the bed. 

“Why? You can’t open it or use anything?” 

“It is not for me, I got it for you,” Takemura said. “I assume you forgot? It is your birthday, Sandayu,” he said, Oda running his hand over the front of the package. 

“I did forget,” he admitted, looking over to him. 

“I tried to see if they would gift wrap it, but they did not offer that service. I apologize,” he said, Oda shaking his head. 

“I don’t care if it’s wrapped,” he insisted, slicing open the edge of the box with a small knife, opening the package. 

“A BD shard?” Oda asked, holding it up to the light. 

“If you hook it up through your laptop, and hook your wreath through it, you can also port me into it as well,” Takemura explained. “I told you I wanted to take you to France, even though I physically cannot, this is the second option,” he said, Oda looking up at him then back at the shard in his hand. 

“We can… go to France together?” He asked. 

“In theory, yes,” he nodded, he had never thought of BDs, especially not the fact that Takemura could experience them as well. It would make sense, he was technically just a code, just zeroes and ones in a complex code shoved into a box. It had been a while since Oda had watched anything through a BD, he didn’t usually have the time. But his duties for the day were done and gone, allowing himself to relax. 

He kicked up the sound on his alarm, knowing that he may not hear it if Hanako were to call for him suddenly. 

“I’ll meet you there?” Oda asked.

“Yes,” Takemura smiled.

The first thing Oda noticed was hot _good_ it smelled in France, opening his eyes, orienting himself slightly as he tried to familiarize himself. The sun was high in the sky, making it fairly warm- but not to the point where he needed to remove his blazer.

“It would seem we are in Paris,” Takemura said, appearing next to him, Oda staring for a few moments. 

“You… you look like you used to, not like an engram,” Oda pointed out, Takemura looking at his hands, blinking a few times.

“It would make sense, this world is digital, and so am I. I had not thought of that,” he said, Oda reaching out gently, placing his hand on Takemura’s arm with a small gasp. 

“Oh my god, I can touch you here,” he said, running an arm up his bicep before quickly launching himself into Takemura’s arms, hugging him tight. The last time they touched each other physically was probably sparring, long before Night City happened. 

Oda practically melted in Takemura’s grasp, being held tight, fingers running through his hair, his cheekbone pressed against Takemura’s broad chest. He sniffled a bit, trying to prevent the tears from slipping down his face. Oda couldn’t remember the last time he felt like this.

Safe. 

“Come, Sandayu, let’s go,” Takemura said, pulling himself free, grabbing Oda by the hand and leading him down the sidewalk. 

“It’s… nice,” Oda said, looking up at the buildings. It was a stark contrast in comparison to Tokyo, trees lined the streets, and people rode bicycles in the road. There were hardly any cars, people walking on feet. 

A young woman drove by on a bright red Vespa moped, groceries in a small basket on the front.

“When I came here for business, I never wanted to leave. So much so, that even Saburo commented on how much I liked it. The sights, the smells, it was everything I wanted. When I was younger, I never thought I would ever be able to travel the world, and Arasaka made it all possible,” he smiled, Oda nodding. He himself had only left Japan the one time to go to Night City, and that experience was poor enough to prevent him from wanting to do it again. 

“I can see why,” Oda said, looking in through the glass windows of a small café, people lined up waiting for their coffees. A young man left with a bag full of bread, Oda watching him walk down the sidewalk. He could smell the heavy scent of espresso as the door of the coffee shop slowly closed. 

He could smell fresh baked goods, warm coffee, sweat treats being made as they walked past the windows of bakeries and restaurants, Oda more than content with just looking and smelling.

Although he wondered how it all _tasted._ He distantly wondered if he could import food and treats from France to the compound, he very rarely ate anything aside from what he compound chef prepared for him. It wasn’t bad food by any means, but it didn’t smell as good as the food here did. 

Takemura held his hand tightly, fingers interlocked with Oda’s, a smile on both of their faces. 

“The Eiffel Tower?” Oda asked, rounding a corner, looking at the massive field of green grass and trees in front of it. 

“Yes, supposedly there is a restaurant at the top, I have never been, but maybe one day you can go there and experience it,” Takemura said, stepping over a small fence that said to keep off the grass. There was no point in obeying signs when it was a BD, after all. Oda beamed, tugging Takemura closer, an alert flashing in front of him. 

_Exiting Signal Range._

_“Oh, that’s right, this isn’t real,”_ Oda thought to himself. 

“It would seem this is as far as we can go, Sandayu,” Takemura said, looking up at the massive landmark. “That is alright,” he said, sitting down, feeling the grass tickle his palms as he did so, Oda sitting down next to him. 

The both of them sat in silence, listening to music play in the square not too far from them, listening to mopeds and people chatting as they walked down the sidewalks. 

“I wish this was real,” Oda said, looking over to Takemura. 

“We can come here any time we like, though,” Takemura pointed out, shifting to sit closer to Oda, their thighs touching as they sat in the grass. Oda leaned against him, head against his shoulder as Takemura moved to hold him tight against him. 

“Yes, that is true,” Oda said, enjoying the company for right now. He didn’t want to leave this, ever. He wanted to sit here, under the Eiffel Tower with Takemura forever. But they both knew that would never happen- as long as Oda worked for Arasaka, he would never be able to live like this. 

Despite knowing that, he knew that he should enjoy this time for now. 

Takemura tightened his grasp on him, running a hand through his hair gently. 

“Sandayu…” Takemura whispered, Oda’s pulse thrumming in his ears as a blush spread across his face. 

“Goro,” he muttered back, lips pressing to Takemura’s gently, eyes slipping closed as he pressed himself impossibly further to him. He didn’t think he had ever felt so happy in his entire life, lips gliding across his mentor’s, Goro holding him tightly against his chest. Oda deepened the kiss, climbing into Takemura’s lap, straddling him as he felt his arms around his waist. 

“I love you,” Oda whispered, pulling back slightly, Takemura looking up at him. 

“I love you too,” he said, Oda’s heart skipping a beat at the words. “We should head back soon,” Takemura said, reaching up to run a hand along Oda’s jawline, fingers tracing along the metal that lined his skin, thumb running along his cheekbone. “You have a long day tomorrow, and you need to rest.” 

“I don’t want to leave just yet,” Oda shook his head, Takemura huffing. 

“Always so defiant,” Takemura let out a defeated sigh, knowing that he could not stop him from wanting to stay. He himself could pull himself from the BD, but that would just leave Oda in Paris alone. “But alright, we can stay a bit longer,” he agreed, having no reason to say no to Oda. 

Oda smiled, allowing his eyes to slip shut, feeling the warm breeze across his face. 

  
  


* * *

Oda’s head jerked up as he got a message. 

**Hanako:**

Please come to my office.

“What’s going on?” Takemura asked, Oda looking over at him. 

“I have been asked to meet Hanako-sama in her office,” he said, pushing himself to his feet. It was rare that he was summoned for a meeting, making sure his clothes were presentable. “I’ll be back in a bit,” he said. 

“I will be here,” Takemura smiled. 

The walk to Hanako’s office felt like a few steps, but at the same time, like five miles. The entire compound was silent save for his nearly quiet footsteps as he knocked on the door to Hanako’s office, the door opening immediately for him.

She looked up at him from her desk, Oda noticed that she did look noticeably better from the last time they had seen each other, noting that she was likely sleeping much better now that her father was back in full swing. 

“You called?” He asked, stepping inside, the door instantly closing behind him. 

“Yes, thank you for being punctual, as always,” she nodded, closing the laptop and setting it aside, hands in her lap. 

“I have a feeling I am not going to like what you are about to say to me,” Oda said, Hanako tilting her head slightly. 

“What makes you think that?” 

“A hunch,” he answered, he couldn’t shake the pit in the bottom of his stomach. He clasped his hands together behind his back this time, so she would not see how much they were shaking. 

“Your hunch has never failed you, Oda,” she sighed, pushing herself from her chair, looking out the window. The sun was high in the sky, light and warmth kissing everything in its path. She couldn’t bear to look back at him. “I have received instruction to confiscate Takemura-san’s engram, and sent it to be destroyed,” she said, looking at herself in the reflection. Oda was standing directly behind her on the other side of the desk, unable to see his in the glass. 

Perhaps that was for the best. 

His hands balled into fists. 

“You promised I could have him,” Oda said, chest seizing. 

_“You would have loved France.”_

“Yes, I remember. But this is my father’s order, not mine,” she shook her head. “I apologize, Oda. But my father’s rules are absolute. You have until the end of the week to say your good-bye’s to him. I was able to get you the next three days, but that is all I could get.”

Oda didn’t feel sadness, not like the last time he was given bad news. 

All he felt was anger. 

Rage. 

Hatred. 

He could hear his own gloves creak, the seams holding them together struggling to keep the armored fabric together as he clenched them into tighter fists, his knuckles turning white as a result. 

His pulse pounded in his ears as he tried to will himself to be calm, nearly missing what Hanako said next, a smile across her face. 

Oda did not wait to be dismissed, turning on heel and leaving the room, body shaking. 

* * *

  
  


“Oda, I knew this day would come,” Takemura confessed, Oda sprawled out on the bed next to him. “I am a liability of information.”

“So is anyone who works for the Arasaka family,” Oda said. 

“It is not that simple. My engram can be swiped much easier, I cannot defend myself.”

“Hanako-sama…. She gave me an option,” he said, looking over at him. “She said that your memory can either be fully wiped, or I can trust her, that she has a plan,’ he continued, Takemura folding his hands up over his chest. “If your memory is wiped… you will forget all about me,” he said, he couldn’t bear the thought of Takemura not remembering him at all. 

“What will you do?” Takemura asked. 

“I do not know yet,” he confessed, rubbing his face several times. 

* * *

“It smells good, I wonder what it tastes like in comparison to Japanese cuisine,” Takemura said, leading Oda down the street, whose hand was limp in his own. Takemura held his hand tighter, letting him know that he was there with him.

Oda did not respond. 

He hadn’t responded all day. 

No matter what he asked or suggested, Oda didn’t answer him. 

Nor did he smile. 

Takemura tugged Oda over the fence once again, helping him as he stumbled a bit, shoes sliding across the grass as he was led closer to the Eiffel Tower. 

“Come, sit,” Takemura said, tugging Oda down next to him before pulling him into his lap, pressing a kiss to his temple gently. “Oda, please speak with me,” Takemura begged.

“I… I don’t know what to do Goro,” he confessed, eyes wet with tears. “Regardless of the option, I’m going to lose you. If they wipe your memory, it won’t be the same, you won’t be the Takemura I love,” he cried. 

For once, Takemura was able to reach up and wipe the tears away with his thumb. “And I do not know what Hanako-sama has up her sleeve as her plan,” he said. His throat ached from crying, leaning against Takemura fully, pressing his face against his shoulder as he was held. 

“No matter what decision you make, Oda. I will always love you. Whether I’m wiped or destroyed, nothing on earth can take back my words about you.” 

Oda nodded a bit, looking up at the massive tower before them. “I am grateful we got to spend this time together. We got to confess, I brought you to France, we kissed, and we have loved,” he smiled, tightening his grasp around Oda. 

Oda knew, deep down, he should be grateful. He did get to tell Takemura how he really felt. He discovered that the feelings between them were mutual. He got to see halfway across the globe with Takemura’s hand nestled tightly within his own. 

“I am too,” Oda nodded in agreement. “I apologize for being distant I just….. have a lot to think about.”

“That is understandable,” Takemura said, their lips meeting gently. “I trust your decision, no matter what.”

“Thank you, Goro.” 

He had yet to shake the sense of dread that filled him, that weighed down his limbs and fogged over his thoughts. He wondered if he would ever be able to shake himself from it. 

A frown spread across his face as a tear slipped down his cheek, soaking into Takemura’s white shirt. 

* * *

"Oda… please… do not do this," Takemura begged, wishing that he could pin Oda's hands to the bed to prevent this from happening. He crouched down by the side of the bed, Oda sitting on the side of it. Takemura’s optics locked on the gun in Oda’s grasp.

"I… I have nothing," Oda whispered, flipping the safety off of the pistol.

"Please, reconsider," Takemura continued, growing frustrated quickly that he was entirely helpless, there was no way for him to alert anyone. He couldn't send a message to Hanako to alert her, he couldn't even reach out to snatch the gun from Oda's hand; which was far more steady than he liked. 

"I can't," he shook his head, tears sliding down his face.

"For me, please," Takemura insisted. 

"No," Oda whispered, the muzzle kissing his temple as he lined the gun up. Takemura could not remember the last time he felt this helpless in his life, unable to do anything to stop Oda's actions. "I'm so sorry… Goro," he said, looking down at him through wet eyes, tears landed on the flooring in front of Takemura. “I should not have brought you back like this… I should have just accepted your fate, rather than forced you to be brought back against your will. Now I’m going to lose you again, and I will never get you back.”

“You know I did not have an issue with being an engram, Sandayu,” Takemura muttered, trying to de-escalate the situation. 

Oda looked down at the Arasaka crest he had taken from Takemura, the metal gleaming under the low light of his bedroom in his other hand, frowning. 

“I love you, Goro…” He whispered, tears running down his face.

“I love you too, Sandayu. Please, don’t leave me. I would rather you run off and escape Arasaka than end things like this,” he said. “Please, Sandayu, don’t do this.” 

Oda looked down at him, Takemura had never seen him look this low before, bags under his eyes as their eyes locked. 

“I’m sorry, Goro. I'm glad we were able to go to France together," he smiled.

Takemura watched in horror as Oda pulled the trigger, the gunshot echoing through the small room, blood splattering across the wall above his bed as he slumped to the side, eyes flickering red twice in quick succession before he flatlined. 

* * *

Hanako jumped out of bed at the sound of a gunshot. _"That was too close to be from outside the compound,"_ she thought to herself, the alarm going off in her room instantly, someone else flipping the switch as the building went into lockdown. Her windows and doors immediately locked, three inch long deadbolts keeping her private quarters locked down. 

"What is going on?" She asked, eyes flickering red as she received a call from another security agent that was on the property. 

"Gunfire came from Oda's room, we are sending a team over right now."

"I am coming too," she said, quickly overriding the security measures of her room, the door sliding open. 

"It is not safe, Hanako-sama. Please, stay where you are, we will come to you once things are safe," security insisted, Hanako shaking her head as she slipped into the hallway, cutting the call off instantly as she moved towards Oda's room quickly. 

The door was already kicked open by the time she had gotten there, assault guards flooding inside of the room, weapons drawn. 

"Call Trauma," one said. 

"No need, he's flatlined," another said, Hanako shoving her way through into the room, staring at Takemura who was sitting on the bed next to Oda's body. Blood dripped down the wall, staining the pillows below. Takemura looked over to her, letting out a sigh. His engram flickered a few times as people passed in front of the transmitter, temporarily affecting his presence. 

"Ma'am, you shouldn't be seeing this," a guard said, quickly stepping between her and the body, as if it would undo what she had seen, as if she still couldn't see the blood on the wall, as if there wasn't a pistol still in Oda's grasp. 

She received a phone call from her father, quickly picking it up. 

"I saw your security system was activated, are you alright?" He asked, it was still jarring to see her brother's body, but knowing it was her father. She hoped that she would get used to it soon.

"I am fine," she answered. "A false alarm," Hanako explained. 

"I see," he said, leaning back in his office chair, she wondered why he was working at this hour. Perhaps with a new body, he was able to work for longer hours, or perhaps he couldn't be bothered to try to fix Yorinobu's poor sleep schedule. "I will be sending a new bodyguard for you, since yours apparently flatlined."

She swallowed, of course he would know. There was very little he did not know. 

"Thank you, father," she said before hanging up, sidestepping around the guard in front of her. Never did she expect things to go this way with Oda, frowning at the sight before her. 

"Both of Arasaka's finest within two weeks," Takemura said, glancing over to Oda, then back up to Hanako. "Quite a heavy weight to bear, is it not?" He narrowed his eyes at her. 

She brought her attention back to Oda fully, exhaling deeply. 

A single tear ran down her cheek, slipping from her jawline and onto the floor below. 

"It is," she agreed, reaching over to turn off Takemura's engram, plunging the room into darkness. 

* * *

  
  


_“Takemura’s engram is to be destroyed,” Saburo said, leaning back in his chair, hands clasped in front of him. Hanako remained silent at the words._

_“Oda did not take too well to him dying, I do not believe it is wise to try to take him from him again,” she said._

_“He has too much valuable information about Arasaka. He has security biometrics still, he is a horrible risk for security, and needs to be disposed of properly,” Saburo said. Hanako tried to think of something, anything that would be a better option than this._

_“What if we encrypt his engram and fuse t onto a BD, and put it into lock up?” She suggested._

_“A sudden change in heart towards him? Last you spoke of him, you said he was a soldier ready to fall for our plan,” Saburo reminded her, pain slicing through her heart._

_“Takemura-san did nothing wrong,” she said. “Despite everything, despite being hunted, he never turned his back on myself, nor you. He went through countless endeavors to bring justice to Yorinobu. I believe it is the least we can do.”_

_It was Saburo’s turn to be quiet, wondering what Hanako was playing at._

_“Very well, his engram will be combined with a BD and ran on a separate computer deep under Arasaka HQ in Tokyo, on a back up system.”_

_“I am going to suggest the same for Oda.”_

_“Putting them together on a single BD?”_

_“They are both close, I have never seen someone so passionate about anything in my entire life. If Takemura is to be put somewhere, I strongly believe Oda should be put with him.” Saburo hummed at her words, leaning forward, elbows resting on the top of his massive desk. “They have both served Arasaka well, and never asked for anything in return. It is the least we can do, to ensure they are together.”_

_“If you have an idea, you may execute it on your own, Hanako. I trust your judgment.”_

_“Thank you, father,” she smiled._

  
  


“Oda?” 

The voice sounded right next to him, yet across a field at the same time. Muffled, as if he were underwater. “Oda…”

Again, his voice was called out. “Oda, open your eyes.”

Where was he?

He wanted to sleep more. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so tired, wanting to curl up under the covers and sleep. 

“Hmm?” He groaned, peeking his eyes open, looking at the ceiling fan above him. 

His room didn’t have a ceiling fan. Nor was his ceiling white. 

He sat up, rubbing his eyes a few times, looking around a room that certainly was not his own. A large bed with a fluffy white comforter on it, white and blue pillows behind him. Warm light leaked in through the window, casting an orange glow across his face. 

Takemura sat in front of him, quickly cradling his face with both hands. 

“I wish you had not done that…” Takemura whispered. 

Oda blinked a few times, trying to remember exactly what had happened. 

_“What happened?”_ He asked himself, staring into Takemura’s eyes as he struggled to remember. 

He remembered the weight of a handgun in his hand. 

He remembered the distraught look on Takemura’s face, as he looked up at him from the ground. 

He remembered a loud bang. 

Then he remembered nothing. 

_“Oh, that’s right…”_ He took a deep breath in. 

“Where are we?” He asked, Takemura pushing himself off of the bed, pushing open the curtains of the bedroom, filling the room with light. Oda shielded his eyes from the sudden brightness, looking at Takemura’s silhouette in the window. 

“It would appear we have been uploaded to a BD,” Takemura said, looking out of the window, eyes flickering across the Eiffel Tower in the distance. “It would seem Hanako-sama turned you into an engram after your death, and integrated the both of us into this specific BD together. I cannot pull myself out of here,” he muttered, Oda walking across the room to look out the window too. 

“This was her back up plan…” Oda said, pressing a hand to the glass, feeling Takemura’s arm wrapping around his waist. The sunlight across his face felt good, welcome in fact. 

“At least we are together,” Takemura whispered, Oda looking over at him before pressing their lips together, clinging to him. “And I love you, so much.”

“I love you too, Goro,” he whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who stuck with me, this has easily been one of my favorite fics I have ever written <3


End file.
